Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
