Your tits are I can't wait for
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
