He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
