Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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