my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
