Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
