In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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