Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
