Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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