Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
