Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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