last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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