I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
