Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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