I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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