kristin has been a bad kristin
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
