im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
