What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
