Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
