Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ugly people sure do ruin things
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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