he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
