Someone shit on the floor
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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