Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
