I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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