I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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