i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
