He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
