yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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