i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
