oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
