i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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