come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
