hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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