I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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