This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
