NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
