If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
