I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
