Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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