It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
