You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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