Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
