Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
