suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My ass is underappreciated
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
