True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
