Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
