why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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