i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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