I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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