So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
